God’s Lettuce Now Costs More Than Devil’s Lettuce By The Gram — The Betoota Advocate

God’s Lettuce Now Costs More Than Devil’s Lettuce By The Gram — The Betoota Advocate

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In a reminder that we do truly live in strange times, the nation’s lettuce crisis has today reached a staggering new level.

With plenty made of the gas crisis over the last few weeks, a new predicament for the country has this week emerged with the cost of leafy greens soaring through the roof.

Another ‘perfect storm’ of the same old shit has apparently led to the cost of God’s Lettuce going through the roof, with some icebergs fetching outrageous prices at the checkout.

However, it doesn’t look like the crisis is going to ease anytime soon, with revelations now emerging that God’s Lettuce is now going for more a gram than the Devil’s Lettuce.

Also known as cannabis or marijuana, the illegality of the Devil’s Lettuce has meant that the dried-out leafy green plant has traditionally cost a lot more than the holy stuff.

However, with storms, frosts, market influences, and all sorts of other stuff going on, the good old fashion 90% water lettuce is now fetching far more than the make you feel good stuff.

Concerns have also been raised that it may be as tricky to get your hands on, with empty shelves across the nation meaning the unpopular cabbage has had a real uptick in sales.

The Prime Minister has promised to do something about the issue, but growers and distributors have warned that there could be no end in sight for God’s Lettuce rivaling the price of Devil’s Lettuce.

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey