RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact
The Advocate recently received email correspondence linking us to an exciting new crypto commercial.
In the commercial, upbeat and lifting music follows a Hollywood A-list celebrity striding through several amazing life moments, saying things like “fortune favours the brave” and “the future of money is here” in reference to cryptocurrency.
Reviewing the commercial, our reporter was jazzed, and immediately reopened their Metamask crypto wallet with the intention of buying thousands of dollars’ worth of exciting crypto before the price moons.
However, before purchase, our reporter remembered the last year of crypto and how it crashed in a terrifying way. Even the so-called ‘stablecoins’ crashed, which according to crypto bros worldwide was literally impossible.
This saw thousands of crypto bros and even regular folks in the mainstream lose their life savings after believing the hype of crypto and the beguiling promise of decentralised finance, a promise since transformed into nothing more than a pyramid scheme.
This gave our reporter a moment of pause, as the wisdom of the exciting new crypto commercial was brought into question. The Advocate investigated the origins of the commercial’s production, and found that it had been made back around the time Matt Damon was seen in commercials spruiking crypto, back when crypto was actually exciting and you could pretend it wasn’t a pyramid scheme.
Which was a long time ago now.
Questions have been raised as to why this latest crypto commercial would wait until now to be released, given that only bros with learning disabilities still consider investing in crypto to be a profit-making enterprise.
The Advocate reached out to the crypto company involved, in the hope of understanding how they have not yet realised that crypto will never live up to it’s original promise of saving the entire world completely, given its now a pyramid scheme. In response, the crypto company offered The Advocate 60 thousand free tokens of a random meme coin that had something to do with Elon Musk and a Shiba Inu riding a rocket to the moon. The use-case for the coin remains unclear, but the hype around it makes it very exciting nonetheless.