“Don’t Worry, Things Might Get Better. You Never Know. Maybe, You’ll Win PowerBall?” — The Betoota Advocate

"Don't Worry, Things Might Get Better. You Never Know. Maybe, You'll Win PowerBall?" — The Betoota Advocate

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Minister has reassured a worried public today by telling Australians that things might get better one day.

Speaking to Parliament, Anthony Albanese said you never know what’s around the corner when it comes to your own personal circumstances and that perhaps things will change for the better.

“Don’t worry,” said Mr Albanese.

“Things might get better. You never know. Maybe, you’ll win PowerBall? Sometimes when I can’t get to sleep, I like to imagine what I’d do if I won the $80m jackpot. Tell you what, I’d still be rocking up to work. That’s for sure,”

“But, uh, I’d probably, uh, get a new Camry after that, uh, I should say, uh, well you know the kid driving the Range Rover that hit me, let me just say that we never had kids driving Range Rovers around Marrickville when I was a young man, no, uh, way. But, uh, let me just say that I understand that things are tough right now for a lot of Australians. We have workers getting, uh, fucked over by fat cats. Or as I like to say after two glasses of red wine, Tory cunts, but ah, yeah, We have the top end of town having a sook about not having people from developing countries to exploit here. Well, maybe those business owners have their man-boobed young liberal sons work in their business for a change, instead of just lying on the couch like a bong head’s cat. That’d never happen, but, uh yeah, look,”

“Back to what I was talking about. Things might get better, in a few years, maybe. But yeah, the rest of this year will be an old-fashioned bitch. Honestly, probably next year and the year after. I feel bad for young people these days. As my old history teacher said, boys, life is a bitch and then you die. Sounds about right now, hey?”

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey