CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Less than a week away from their first professional NRL match, the Dolphins have today revealed why they would prefer to simply be a stateless club with no identifying characteristics but a cartoon mascot.
After what looks to have been a immoveable gridlock between heritage and marketing, the NRL eventually decided to remove any reference to the geographical location of their newest franchise.
The successful bid for entry into the NRL was put forward by the historic Queensland rugby league club ‘The Redcliffe Dolphins’ – who are based out Brisbane’s coastal North-East.
However, while bumping up the Redcliffe Dolphins into the national comp, it became clear that Redcliffe is actually a rather small suburb, and probably wouldn’t cast a wide enough net to compete with the Broncos, despite the fact that the club already has more paying members than the Broncos due to their sensational leagues club bistro.
This has resulted in the game rushing to announce the logo of the club, but not the region, and then furiously debating another word that might appeal to more people than ‘Redcliffe’ – which is not a word anyone in New South Wales recognises.
Just like how the words ‘St George’ or ‘Warringah’ mean nothing to anyone from Queensland, or Sydney for that matter.
Following the announcement that the Dolphins had won the bid, some heinous suggestions were thrown around as a possible locality that might cast a wider net – such as the wildly creative ‘Brisbane Dolphins’ which would’ve actually done an incredible job poaching fans from the Brisbane Broncos.
Another suggestion was the ‘North Dolphins’ – named after that vibrant Queensland community of ‘North’.
Eventually, through the genius of several Sydney-based marketing agencies, it was decided that the missing word would be ‘The’ – with ‘The Dolphins’ set to play their first match next week.
It was initially believed that this panicked naming process had caused great upset to the club’s pre-existing fans, However, the ‘real’ Redcliffe Dolphins supporters have this week revealed that they are happy with the decision.
“The less people who use the word Redcliffe, the better” says one local Phinatic by the name of Petero Gibbs (53, powder-coater)
“It means less google searches. Less people finding out that we have oceanfront views going for less than a million bucks”
“And less people discovering that we have a Leagues Club balcony that overlooks the southern tryline of our homeground”
Another fan, Cherry Beegee (39, beautician) agrees.
“It’s a designated smoking area. You can punch darts and watch live NRL, with full strength beers, in a glass schooner”
“Fuck no we don’t any other club’s fans finding out where where our club is based”