DiCaprio Moves From Use-By To Best-Before, Breaking Up With GF 3 Months After 25th Birthday — The Betoota Advocate

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

In highly comical but unsurprising news, actor and eco hypocrite Leonardo DiCaprio is reported to have split up with his girlfriend Camilla Morone just three months after the model turned twenty five years old, which would make her the oldest woman he’s ever dated.

Despite being a borderline fossil himself, DiCaprio has refused to date a woman over the quarter century mark, with the average age of his eight girlfriend’s being just 22.9 – or roughly half his age.

Though old rich men dating hot young women isn’t anything new, there is something unsettling about a grown man who refuses to date anyone that can’t be mistaken for his daughter. Or in the case of fifty year old ‘comedian’ Dane Cook, marrying a 23 year old woman he’d known since she was a teenager, which is fucking disgusting.

As always, these cases prompt a slew of gross divorced boomers to announce that old men are simply biologically wired to chase barely legal gorgeous women, despite themselves having nothing to offer except a lifetime of broken dreams and an addiction to alcohol. 

In the case of DiCaprio, his predilection for dating women and dumping them before they’ve reached their ‘expiration date’ (or when their prefrontal cortex has formed) shows very clearly how he views women – pretty objects to be used and discarded.

It’s unknown which modelling agency DiCaprio plans on scouting next, but it’s likely the woman who’ll be one day changing his nappies hasn’t even been born yet.

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey