ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has fired another rocket into the Pacific Ocean in a dramatic escalation in tensions between the nation’s largest body of water and the Hermit Kingdom.
Though the rocket harmlessly splashed down somewhere off the coast of Japan, a Betoota Heights couple is asking Asia’s last dictator (according to the ABC) to send the next one their way.
And to put a thermonuclear bomb on the tip, please.
The strange request comes from Dalia and Reece Bowmore, who purchased a Meriton Shitbox this time last year for themselves and maybe a child if the world calms down a bit.
They want Kim Jong-un to turn Betoota into a glass bowl, they say, to get them out of their mortgage prison.
“This place is worth less than what we paid for it. About 15% less,” said Reece, a Corporate Johnny who had his nuts removed years ago and placed in a pouch that his boss regularly hits with a hammer.
“We can’t leave.”
The outer-metro apartment is only a couple of years old but the defects are already starting to pile up.
“We can be reading in bed at night and we can hear our upstairs neighbour get up off the couch, walk to the bathroom, we can hear his belt buckle hit the tiles and the moan leave his mouth as the colon eel slithers from him,” he added.
“He had a soundbar for the TV that was driving us insane. When he popped down to take the garbage out, I ran in and javelin-ed it from the balcony. He would’ve been so confused. Anyway, we’re stuck here.”
“So if you’re reading Kim, please. Send the next one here and but a whole postcode of shitbox mortgagees out of their misery,” she said.
“Before the RBA does it for us.”
More to come.