LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A Betoota Millennial has been forced to be their own treasurer as they continue to feel the pinch of the ‘cost of living crisis’ or as the world’s corporations are calling it ‘it’s normal now, just get over it and pony up you fatties’.
Enjoying a salary that has accounted for 20% of cost of living increases in the past ten years, cashier Shandra Piggleberry (31) not only gets to experience the pinch firsthand, she gets to hear an endless stream of customers moan about it too.
With the fact that literally every single fucking thing on the planet is getting more expensive never far from her mind, Piggleberry has made a bold budgeting move to cut down on decadent luxuries such as household utilities and healthcare.
“Realistically, I’d run out of traumatic stories to tell my therapist anyway,” stated Piggleberry, before deciding if she’d want to cop the Medicare levy or get milked for coupons by a healthfund.
“I’m thinking of it as a time travelling adventure. My great great grandparents didn’t have healthcare and their surviving children turned out fine.”
After copping a $125 rent increase and getting laughed at when asking for a payrise, Piggleberry has had to have a good look at what she can afford as a worker that we would have literally starved to death without during the pandemic.
“Is there a well somewhere I can start to get water from? This is why we shouldn’t have gotten rid of wells, fucking privatisation man.”
MORE TO COME.