Boomer Journo Passes Out From Blood Rushing To Penis After 21-Year-Old Buys A Home

Boomer Journo Passes Out From Blood Rushing To Penis After 21-Year-Old Buys A Home

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

A Sydney Morning Herald journalist has this morning been rushed to hospital after his neighbour, Valerie Trickett, informed him that her 21 year old granddaughter had just bought her own house – without ANY help from the bank of mum and dad.

Barely containing the half chub already forming in his chinos, Ian Hopkins [44] was seen excitedly tapping away in his iPhone notes using only his index finger, not stopping to think that the fact he even considered this newsworthy, said everything it needed about the economy.

“Yes she managed to scrape together a deposit all on her own”, said Valerie, proudly, “she’s been working three jobs since she was seventeen, and doesn’t leave the house.”

“Her friends try to invite her to go out, but she sticks to her guns, that one.”

Though her granddaughter will unlikely be able to pay off the home or have an active social life (seeing as she could only get a house 45 minutes out of town and pays $500 a week in mortgage) Valerie says sacrificing your twenties for a home is worth it.

“If young people are willing to live with their parents rent free for a few years, and avoid anything that brings them joy, it’s possible to have a house.”

“Most of them just aren’t prepared to sacrifice, and then have the audacity to whinge that they can’t afford a house?”

“It’s pathetic, honestly.”

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey