KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A local bloke is conducting a crash course in Hogwarts history this evening, as he attempts to keep conversation flowing on a Tinder date that’s losing steam.
At 29 years of age, local whitegoods installation specialist Shaun Crabbe is one of the many Betootanese blokes, who despite a familiar run of bad dates continues to swipe for love on any number of digital courting apps.
The Advocate understands that after two weeks of infrequent banter with local Account Manager Hannah Diggory (28), Shaun decided to offer up the potential of meeting for a few drinks at the new library-inspired wine bar in downtown Betoota, ‘The Dead Poet’.
Having navigated his way through the first round of drinks discussing work related small talk and the compulsory “how weird was lockdown” topic, Shaun has had to dig deep into his minimal knowledge of the world of muggles and wizards to keep the proverbial Goblet of Fire alight.
Speaking to our reporter in the mens bathroom, Shaun told The Advocate he was close to being exposed as a bloke who’s never actually read a single page of the world’s best selling book series.
“She had something on her profile about wanting to know what Hogwartys house I’m in, so naturally I googled a Harry Potter pickup line which she seemed to enjoy!”
“But now she’s admitted she’s got a legit Harry Potter tattoo, I think I’m going to be unmasked as a fraud.”
Firing up Youtube on his phone and scrubbing through a Sparks notes style 5-minute breakdown of the Order of the Phoenix, Shaun said he was taking a quickfire course in wizardry to make it through to the third drink.
“I’ll be honest, I’ve only watched half the films and it’s usually been when I’m philospher’s stoned…”
“So if I start talking about Gandalf she’ll realise I know nothing, so I better get a rough idea of the whole plot-line and maybe fake a few theories about Voldemort.”
“Do you have any idea what a horcrux is?”