Bloke Watching Commercial TV Unsure If It’s Monkeypox, China, Or Russia That’s Supposed To Get Him — The Betoota Advocate

Bloke Watching Commercial TV Unsure If It’s Monkeypox, China, Or Russia That’s Supposed To Get Him — The Betoota Advocate

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

By his own admissions, a Betoota Heights man said he was looking forward to this work week because on Friday night, he’s going up to the tip for a bit of sunshine and saltwater.

Mark Peter’s mood was great but that all changed when he flicked on the box this morning to take in a bit of commercial breakfast television.

All of the sudden, the 39-year-old corporate johnny felt fear.

”You might’ve thought you had COVID beat,” said the man with face skin tighter than any snare drum.

”But it’s tropical cousin is here to get you. Monkeypox. Instead of deleting just a fraction of one percent of people infected by it, this fucking thing rolls one in ten. You don’t want to get the Monkeypox.”

The lady beside Mr Tightskin let out a shotgun blast of laughter.

”But if you reckon Monkeypox will pass you over, you’ll wish it hadn’t when we get turned into a glass bowl by the Chinese Communist Party. We will get vaporised and the ones that don’t will have to fight each other for food and clean drinking water. But if your survive that, you’ll probably get shot through the brain when the land invasion comes. They want all our food and minerals and there’s nothing we can do to stop them,” Mr Tightskin continued.

”Tell you what, though. If it’s not the Monkeypox or the communists that get you, it’ll be the Russians because when they’re done with Ukraine, they’re coming for Queensland. When they get here, they’ll make even the most Quiet of Australians quiver in fear and they’ll probably shoot your dog or throw your cat in a wood chipper. They’re going to get you and they’re going to do the one thing to you that’s worse than dying – making your house value decrease to the point where you’re openly mocked in the street by renters,”

”After the break, we have Darren with sport.”

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey