WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The nation’s favourite postal service has today revealed the toll the last few months has taken upon them.
With consecutive months of interest rate rises piling up on each other, Australia Post has confirmed that they are buckling under the sheer weight of Mortgage Payment Notifications they have to send out around the country.
For those lucky enough to be in a mortgage prison for the next few decades, banks are obligated to send out formal paper statements outlining any changes in monthly payments.
Which, given the back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back interest rate rises, means they’ve had to print half of a large scale forestry farm and mail it around the country.
“It’s kind of pointless too,” laughed an Australia Post executive between marvelling at their fresh new Cartier watch.
“No one is opening any of these letters, cause they all know what is in there.”
“Who opens a letter from the bank thinking they are going to read something nice?”
“When was the last time you ripped open a letter expecting to see a free cash giveaway or some bonus?”
“But, the banks have to send em, and they pay us to send em so it is what it is.”
“And after all’s said and done, I think I’ll have earned a nice little 500k bonus for making it all happen.”
More to come.