RORY SALAZAR | Finance | CONTACT
Gerry Harvey, the billionaire boss of Australia’s leading cultural appliance retailer Harvey Norman, has blown a gasket on 3AW Radio this morning.
Affectionately known as the Paul Hogan of Australian entrepreneurialism, the future Australian of The Year winner has used the popular radio station as a platform to publicly eviscerate the ATO after it dared to steal $6.89 from his impressive tax return.
Fuming at the concept of him or his company ever paying a fucking cent in tax, he slammed his manicured fists down on the radio station’s table, shocking shock jock Neil Mitchell right out of his seat and onto the sticky vinyl flooring below.
“I know you can’t say anything anymore, Neil, but the ATO has been attacking me ever since I decided to get up and bloody make something of me-self,” Harvey shouted across the airwaves, sending spittle over the mic, with some droplets hitting The Advocate’s reporter nearby who bore witness to the 46-minute radio soliloquay.
In response to the demigod’s rage, the ATO went into crisis mode, their media team quickly issuing a public statement before Harvey had even managed to finish his on-air diatribe.
“The ATO has reviewed internally and discovered the reason for the error was the result of a Gen Z employee who does not have the same reverential respect for Gerry Harvey that proper Australians should. They’ve seen Mr Harvey’s incredible tax liabilities and concluded that despite everything the man has done for Australia over the years – think TVs, lounges, kitchen appliances – they still thought he should pay his fair share of tax.”
“The ATO prostrates itself before Mr Harvey and apologises unreservedly and wishes to convey to Mr Harvey that the employee in question has been terminated effective immediately, their body parts dismembered, and sent to the four corners of Australia as a warning.”
Upon hearing the public groveling, Harvey relaxed.
And, in a humbling show of mercy, he decided right there on the wireless to give the ATO a whopping 24-months interest free period on the repayments.