EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
A local bloke has this week grappled with some very strong feelings of jealousy after visiting his in-laws, which has caused him to confront one of his biggest physical insecurities.
As someone who dedicated a good deal of time meal prepping and working out at the gym, Jarrod King  has managed to sculpt a pretty enviable upper body (including some sizeable biceps) but still finds himself the butt of his mate’s jokes due to his inproportionally small calves – because try as he might, they refuse to fucking grow.
Though it’s likely a mix of genetics and the fact that calves are used every day for walking, Jarrod has instead turned to obsessively working out his legs as he refuses to accept defeat.
However, Jarrod has unfortunately now learnt the hard way that life isn’t fair, after a fateful trip to his wife’s parents house one Monday night saw him seeing his father in law’s (Steve) legs for the first time ever.
Speaking to The Advocate, Jarrod says Steve had been unaware that company was coming over and had been lounging in the living room in his boxers, unveiling a pair of the most ‘enviable pair of calves’ Jarrod had ever seen.
Stating that he’s ‘never seen that cunt peel himself off the couch’, Jarrod gets so riled up, he looks like he’s about to pop a vein.
“Those weren’t calves, they were fucking COWS”, he whinges.
“I’m pretty sure he has to have special margarine on his toast because his cholesterol is so high.”
“That’s fucking bullshit. Why do I even bother?”
More to come.