Ambient Van Morrison Suggests Mum & Dad Are About To Get Blackout Drunk On The Back Verandah With Pete & Julie From Down The Street

Ambient Van Morrison Suggests Mum & Dad Are About To Get Blackout Drunk On The Back Verandah With Pete & Julie From Down The Street

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Protestant croons of Van Morrison filled the living room and alfresco dining area of a Betoota Heights McMansion yesterday even as someone’s parents were anticipating the arrival of guests.

Mike and Wanda Dearden, of 45 Machattie Park Road, we’re waiting for Pete and Julie from down the street to come up for a cheeseboard and some good old fashioned binge drinking.

“We haven’t had them over since the first lockdown,’ said Mike.

“It’s been far too long between drinks. Pete and Wanda are good people.’

Noticing a series of red flags in the lead up to yesterday’s session, Mike and Wanda’s 17-year-old son Nathan said his parents are picking up the bits of their brain they lost last night.

He said Pete came in with a box of red wine and a bottle of Scotch that he was telling Mike about over the phone. Julie was white-knuckling a tray of dips.

“It was carnage,’ he said.

“Dad was a real mess this morning. I haven’t seen him hungover very many times and he usually hides it well. I burned the toast this morning and he was convinced he was having a stroke and started getting emotional. He made me throw and orange at him to catch. He was fine,” he said.

“But I was convinced Mum had Hendrix’d herself. There is a massive stripe of red vomit down the side of the downstairs toilet wall. It’s full of half chewed Jatz and taramosalata. It’s absolutely not on but I guess they needed to blow off some steam,”

“I should’ve known what was about to happen when I heard that Ulster Orangeman bastard on the stereo.”

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey