Advice Column | More Australians Than Ever Before Are Now Millionaires. Why Aren’t You? — The Betoota Advocate

Advice Column | More Australians Than Ever Before Are Now Millionaires. Why Aren’t You? — The Betoota Advocate


What the fuck is wrong with you? 

You probably get asked that question a lot. And while it is abrupt and rude, it is a fair question if you’re a part of that ever dwindling cohort of useless Aussies who refuse to get up off their yoga ball and get out the door and have a bloody go at becoming a millionaire in this Country.

That’s right, I said it: Useless. If you refuse to have a go at being a millionaire then you’re probably on Centrelink, aren’t you? 

You must be. Because according to a report by Credit Suisse, not only are Australians the richest people in the world, there are now 2.2 million Australian millionaires. 

So why aren’t you one of them?

(If you’re reading this and you are one of us millionaires then high-fives, buddy. By the time you’ve finished reading this article you’ll have earnt a couple hundred bucks in passive income from your diverse portfolio of assets. Hot.)

Seriously, it’s not that hard to become a millionaire anymore. Just do the basic minimum in regards to responsible financial management over time and voila! You’ll be a millionaire.

Earn. Save. Invest. That’s literally it. Or in my case: Parents Earn. Save and Invest on my behalf.

You best get a move on too because there’s not enough wealth to go round.

Millionaires are gobbling up the wealth pie and are soon to become the largest population cohort behind millennials. Did you know that? Even though – ironically – the vast majority of millionaires are from the Baby Boomers and Silent Generation. Ha, kind of funny when you stop and think about it.

Yea, something like only 5% of Aussie millionaires are from the millennial cohort or younger. So maybe that’s why you’re not a millionaire, because you’re younger than 39.

Is that you? Are you a useful young Australian who has hopes and dreams and is a productive rational economic unit that enhances the GDP of this fine neoliberal utopia but for whatever reason is still not a goddamn millionaire?! Then you must be young as fuck.

So maybe it’s time you grow up? Enough of this forever young BS. There’s more Australian millionaires out there than ever before and they’re as old as the hills. 

Time to grow up kids. Everyone’s a millionaire. Why aren’t you?

Author: Stephen Bailey