17-Year-Old EL Falcon Owner Immediately Googles Turbo Kits After Lodging His Tax Return — The Betoota Advocate

17-Year-Old EL Falcon Owner Immediately Googles Turbo Kits After Lodging His Tax Return — The Betoota Advocate

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

While many in the nation with more sophisticated tax affairs have to wait until various services get back to them before they can lodge their tax return, local 17-year-old Jason Bowmore was lucky enough to get his in not long into July.

He did it himself on the government’s website and after he crunched the numbers, they estimated he’d be looking at “tax refund”.

Jason has been in the workforce since he was 14 and nine months old but because he worked at a supermarket, he was ripped off and didn’t make more than the tax-free threshold.

“I got a few tickets last year so I’ve been doing casual work on building sites in the holidays plus I chopped a fuck load of wood in the summer so before winter, I was absolutely rolling in it,” he told our reporter.

“My old boy reckoned that because I worked last shearing and the harvest in the summer plus all my work this year, I was probably over the tax-free whatever so I worked out how much I made and just put it in the website. I didn’t get a group certificate or anything, I just added up all my payslips. Not the cash, but. Dad reckons if you declare a cash income then you’re a fucking idiot,”

“But yeah, I’ve already been spending the money in my head. Like, I don’t have the money yet. It’s still getting processed by The Man.”

The first thing Jason did after closing the E-Tax tab was immediately google “turbo kits”.

Jason is the proud owner of a 1997 EL Falcon that was spotted for sale on a Betoota Heights vacant block by his old man.

“It was only $1500. An absolute steal. It only had 180 000km, too. Just worn in, Dad said. They go for miles. They used to be taxis, you know, before those Toyota dodgem cars,” he said.

“It’s got a bit of ‘get up n go’ but I had my eye on the XR6 Turbo model but now every fat old cunt with a goatee has a bit of sugar, of course, you can’t get one for less than a year’s pay for some town mouse like me,”

“So I have been searching the web for turbo kits. I saw one on eBay for about a grand. Yeah, it might be aftermarket and from China but they make some good gear these days, not like the old days,”

“Dad reckons he’d help me put it on if I really wanted but said don’t come crying to him when I blow the arse end out showing off to the lads down at the Centro car park. Which I would definitely do, just quietly.”

More to come.

Author: Stephen Bailey